I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
