I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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