I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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