69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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