The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
