Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
