when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
