there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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