I'd wear matching sweaters with you
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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