dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
