The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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