did you get engaged???
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
