Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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