toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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