If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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