did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
