You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize