Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
