You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
