That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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