The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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