I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
