I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
babies were throwing up all over the place
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
