We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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