im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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