Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
