I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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