He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
tell your sister to shave her snatch
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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