He had one of those small greek statue penises
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
