Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
