coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
