Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
