if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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