So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize