Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
