It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
