someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize