I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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