Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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