hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize