Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I need to calm my uterus...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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