you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
