My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
