hell yes lets make some ravioli
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
