GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
