Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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