The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
