On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize