Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
