i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
