I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
