Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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