what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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