I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
