it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
