Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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