i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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