The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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