Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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