I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
