i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
