Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
