i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm too high and old for this...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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