How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
